My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
