My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
