What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
