Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
