i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize