i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
