It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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