I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize