Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
