Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Terrible idea I love it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
