508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
