i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
