oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
