The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
