My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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