found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
