Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
