Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
