So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
