I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
