i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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