I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
