Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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