There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
