I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
