i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize