I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
