At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
