I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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