U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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