I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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