I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
