Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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