Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
