She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
