I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
