i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
