i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
