we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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