i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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