i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
