Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
