it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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