I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
