Quick, to the slutcave!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
