don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
