Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
