Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
