Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
