The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Two words: nipple clamps
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