It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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