Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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