I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
