3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
