Do you still have your period?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
