Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
