Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
