Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
