i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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