She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
