my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
