the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize