Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
