I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My pussy is not your playground.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
