Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
