I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
