Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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