from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
