I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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