mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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