just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
