dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
