We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
