I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
organizing the empties. That sober.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
