So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
