I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
