my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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