i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
