She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
