So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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