Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
