Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
