Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
